Fresher Hells

So, I’m back from my vacation, most of which I spent traipsing around Europe & Latin America. It was wonderful and much like all those Eat, Pray, Love/Under the Tuscan Sun-style memoirs & movies in which a young woman leaves her empty Western existence in search of self-knowledge, wisdom, and spiritual enlightenment in foreign lands.

Although I must admit that I did not have any life-changing epiphanies, did not learn any powerful lessons about the brotherhood of man, and remain as spiritually arid as ever. I altogether failed to “find myself” (or to look for myself, really - if I have a heretofore hidden inner self crying out for attention, I basically committed the spiritual equivalent of dumping her off at Grandma’s house with some frozen dinners & discounted DVDs before taking off to get drunk & gamble at the casino down the street). Also, after weeks of not using my higher-level cognitive functions and of dealing with numerous customs officials, sexual harrassers, & petty thieves, I think I am now significantly dumber & more misanthropic than when I started out.

Now that I’m being honest, I will also admit that I did not befriend an old, wisdom-spouting medicine man or have a passionate, flatteringly-lit love affair with whatever local man had the most Hollywood-style facial features. Other than that, however, the resemblance to my literary and cinematic counterparts is stunning and I’m ready for my book/movie deal.